Verbal Haze

Got Me Laughing “Hard as Hell”

This is a tough one folks. I personally have never been a very avid hip-hop/rap/top40 fan, the repetitive schemes and sounds and lyrics really bothered me for a time, but recently I started to dabble a little bit in the genre once again; the first time since I first started listening to music back in the 7^th grade. And this is what I found.

There are some really really catchy sounds out there, I finally get why people like Lil’ Wayne (at least a little), and there are some songs that are so absurd that they are either the purest example of hip-hop egos or the purest example of the artist not giving a ****.

So good news first or bad? I personally can never decide, but isn’t it a little fucked up to actually opt to hear bad news? Some people think that the good news after softens the blow, but that’s stupid, because if you start with good news your gonna be on the positive end of the spectrum at first, then most likely even out, and vice versa for….vice versa…

The good news about my foray into hip-hop: The song “Revolver” by Madonna ft. Little Wayne is gonna be huge starting this summer and going into the school year. You heard it here first.

I’m not really a fan of either artist, but the song is just catchy, good, and it has little wayne in it (more on that in a second). Why wouldn’t you like a catchy song? Probably because its repetitive or from a lame band. The song actually is pretty fresh and is entirely a sexual metaphor revolving around revolvers (guns for you blonde ones out there). Then, it’s not from a lame/embarassing source (like the backstreet boys) because everyone these days LOVES Little Wayne (yeah, I spelled “little” out)(oh, and I mostly use correct grammar too, got a problem? Here, have a cocksicle).

Ok, so I never used to get the Little Wayne hype. Isn’t he like 5’6” with tattoo’s everywhere with some freakish voice thing? And have you heard Tha Carter III: Rebirth? So terrible. But I get it with this song, he does his part well and it fits and then he’s done. I get why he charges 25k or whatever outlandish sum it is to be in a song. Because he’s good when he just needs a fresh verse. Revolver: GOOD.

Rebirth: BAD. “Done It Now” T.I. ft. Little Wayne: BAD. This is where I start to delve into the more ridiculous facets of hip-hop. This song starts off ok actually, just T.I. doing his thing, even if it does sound a bit like DMX’s “What You Know About That”, but Little Wayne completely ruins this song. About 3 minutes in:

I’m a bullet past coop-coo(?),

I’m with a bunch of dawgs, no “goof troop”,

And I’m the sh*t, I stay away from the poop-scoop

That’s just utterly ridiculous. How do you reference goofy and then reference “poop-scoop”, in a serious rap with an implied “I’m hard(like the hood meaning)” image. That just makes no sense to me, and is the kind of thing that makes America stupid and laughable. You can be ridiculous, but I think it needs to be in a song where it can be taken as a joke. And this is where we get to the part where the jury is still out for me, where I can’t decide if the song is a joke or not.

The song “Hard As Hell” be UGK(Underground Kings) ft. Akon. So basically it’s the new Akon song. Here is a transcript of the Lyrics, you be the judge for yourself. I’d provide you a link to download the song, but that’s probably illegal, really illegal. I also changed the spelling of some of the lyrics so you get the correct image. Lyrics by lyricsmania.com.

Lyrics to Hard As Hell :
(Akon)

Ooh ay ay
Ooh ay ay
Ooh ay ay
It’s akon and ugkayyy
And ugkayyy
And ugkayyy
It’s akon
(Akon with some other dudes, CHORUS)
That girl she got me the way she movin in place
Bendin over spreadin eagle all that ass in my face
She got me hard as hell
Got me pokin like a nail
She got me hard as hell
I can’t control it can’t you tell baby
(Solo)
Show me whatcha workin with
Ever got knocked out on a brotha kid
I keep a gold magnum rubber with some k-y
Tryna see where I’m cummin from get it in your eye (in your eye)
I like when ya get downnn like a gus of poles
Rolled on a dolphin get that shit up out your nose
Is that where all your money goes
I spend mine on bendz and roles
Royces choices get on the pole
Slide down move around and bring that money back home
He ain’t pimp hes a clone
Wanna eat my dick when it smell my cologne
I’m so thrown in a gang like that
The good cat ball but the motha fucka fat
Girl whatcha gonna do with all that
Can see your missin tits I hithca from the back

That girl she got me the way she movin in place
Bendin over spreadin eagle all that ass in my face
She got me hard as hell
Got me pokin like a nail
She got me hard as hell
I can’t control it can’t you tell baby

She was 36 24 40
Centerfold stallion uh life of the party
All eyes on her and that goes for me too
Five inch heels and a dress that’s see through
As soon as I saw her I knew that it was time
As soon as she saw me she knew that she was mine
If this is a dream then I don’t wanna wake
And if this is as good as it seems common you gotta shake
The body’s not real it look like crunk drew her
If she don’t step to me I’m finna run to her
And off top man my mouth will drop man
And for a minute it felt like the world just stopped man
Then started again and now I’m startin to feel like I could really give
Baby girl I hearted a tril and once you got the heart
You got the dope but right now we gots to go cause baby girl gots ta know

That girl she got me the way she movin in place
Bendin over spreadin eagle all that ass in my face
She got me hard as hell
Got me pokin like a nail
She got me hard as hell
I can’t control it can’t you tell baby

The boyz we mean they on bended knee
Make it disappear you want the Texas T
Girls in France like Texas d
They soo ooo lala a wee wee wee
Mercie voku baby girl you know you
Got the hot butter my knife gotta go through
Sometimes it cuts slow sometimes it cut quick
It don’t matter cause it’s still good dick come on

Shorty got me swollen now
Chicka say wanna nigga hold her now
Grippin the tie she ready to bone me now
Diggin up in that belly got her moanin now
And round and round I go
When I come up and down she go
When she cum everybody know
When we cum moneys on the floor baby

That girl she got me the way she movin in place
Bendin over spreadin eagle all that ass in my face
She got me hard as hell
Got me pokin like a nail
She got me hard as hell
I can’t control it can’t you tell baby

That girl she got me the way she movin in place
Bendin over spreadin eagle all that ass in my face
She got me hard as hell
Got me pokin like a nail
She got me hard as hell
I can’t control it can’t you tell baby.