Verbal Haze

Rollerskating Babies

If you have not seen this ad by Evian, here it is.

Now some of you are going awwww that sooooo cuuuuuuuute. Shut the fuck up and think about this one for a second. Maybe, just maybe it would have been cute if it was simply a video of skating babies made simply for video entertainment. Still a little weird, kind of strange, but that’s just me. Whatever floats your boat. The reality is though, that it is an advertisement that is taking advantage of many people’s soft spot–beautiful little babies. This is just like using flaming hot chicks in beer commercials, but in an overly exploitative way. These babies are on fucking rollerblades, babies do not fucking rollerblade, it just shouldn’t happen, not even on Youtube. That’s like having the flaming hot chick in the beer commercial bobbing naked back and forth, in the doggystyle position, with a beer on her back, while guys grab the beer to take a sip every so often. Kind of like this commercial right HERE. That kind of makes me want to go buy some Guiness. I think that commercial is fucking hilarious and brilliant, and I’m truly sorry that it got banned. The thing is, the skating babies commercial should also get banned. It’s simply ridiculous, odd, obscure, strange, and crossing the line. The banned beer commercial is realistic, babies rollerblading, doing tricks, grinding rails, and ghetto blasting is just absurd. In addition, it gives babies the wrong idea. If I were a baby watching this commercial, I might be tempted to grab my mom or dad’s ancient pair of rollerskates to test my skills. What happens next? An outbreak of concussed and forever brain damaged babies who thought it would be cool to try and blade around the house. Evian, you need to think about this shit before babies all around the world start idolizing your skating babies and get dropped on the floor like the shit they simultaneously clunked in their diaper. Shame on you, Evian.

Let’s see what other people think shall we (YouTube Comments on the Video):